Title: Chronic
Fandom: B.A.P
Pairing: Junhong centric, Yongguk/Junhong?
Genre: RPS, normal
Rating: ...safe!
Warning: Boy / Boy, if it's not your thing please don't read.
Disclaimer: The boys not mine, no money made.
Note: Written in Junhong POV
Note2: English is not my language, apologize in advance. thanks to @ cobaltblue_nut for beta-read *hugs & bow*

Chronic
by kiba kai
 

What's the advantage of being the youngest of the group?

Getting all attentions, I guess.

Having band of brothers look out for me in whatever I do or say is kinda feel good. It has been a while since I was pampered anyway.
 
"Junhong, what do you want for dinner? Today, I'll make your favorite."
"You want snack? I'll get you some."
"You look like a wet dog, come sit here, I'll dry you."
"Whoa, that's an awesome move! You’re so cool, Jun."
"Yo, kid, pick any movie you want. ...Just not Lion King."
 
These five brothers have been taking care of me since we formed a band that (we believe) would conquer music industry someday. Despite all the differences and tastes of lifestyle we have, whenever conflict arises, we'll settle down at my choice. It's new to me because typically, the eldest one should have a last decision but for us...

"Let's hear what Junhong wants."
 
...is always the final line from Yongguk hyung. And it makes me smile every time he says it. I'm not sure... but it might have something to do with the former band he used to be in, he was the youngest once, though. But anyway, it can't stop me from being a little cocky because I feel like I'm his favorite dongseang. Even Himchan hyung complains once... no, a lot about me getting special treatment; extra nap, extra snack, extra food, extra allowance for clothes and extra ...everything. To the point that I asked Yongguk hyung about it.
 
"You don't like?" then he flashes his casual smile and ruffles my hair with that his warm hand... just like that and I never ask him again.

So... he wants to please me.

...
 
Take that Himchan hyung.



Today we are practicing our Warrior routine for the last time before shooting MV, which our CEO expects to be a hit. We were told about the huge budget in production and promotion which our company has never invested before. The teams were formed between big production companies and the director himself is more famous than our Secret sunbaenim. I'm not sure if I should feel the pressure but... Yongguk hyung told me not to worry, he told me I'm doing exceptional fine. "Just be yourself is good enough." was his exact word. He said it to my face after giving me a bear hug, I really should call it that because despite my height he still manages to make me feel so small in his arms.

"Aish, how come you never do that to me." Youngjae hyung said jokingly upon seeing us in desert practice room.

"What? You want me to hug you, too?" with a deep laughing, he chases Youngjae hyung around the room. I'm about to join in but suddenly, a familiar flash of pain shot through my knee.

It hurts.
 
Badly.
 
I have to bit my lower lip from crying out. I quickly lower myself to the floor, trying to keep my composure as normal as possible. I even cover it with a dry laugh when Youngjae hyung's butt is kicked.

"We should go back to the dorm. Rest early, tomorrow will be a big day. Tell the others to meet downstairs in ten." Yongguk hyung still has that gummy smile when Youngjae hyung left.
 
But I can't get up.
 
Seriously, with this pain I can't keep it down like I usually do. It's not happening for the first time but it comes and goes and never with this amount of pain.

Glancing at my reflection, my face is paler than Nike that adorned my feet, this is not good.
 
"Come on, lazy bum. Let's go." He grabs my wrist and I try to comply.
 
It feels like my knee is falling off.

I pull my hand back but it might be a little too sharp because Yongguk hyung now has a frown on his face.

"You go ahead, I'll... I'll practice some more." My voice is raspy than I expect.

His eyes widen while sitting down with me. His face turns serious all of sudden. "No, you're not. What is it? What happens?"

Shit.
 
Really. How can I hide this? Because I really can't tell him that I have some chronic injury that I have no idea what cause it.

"It's nothing, I still can't get that breakdown dance perfectly." I look down my lap, better this than facing him.
 
But his warm hand forces me to look up, it occurs to me that his expression is too heartbroken to look. Long fingers gently wipe my eyes and let me see the wetness that I don't know it was there.
 
With the other hand he makes a phone call, probably for the others to go ahead. "Now, tell me."
 


It takes a lot of denial from me and persuasion from him until I have to spill it out. It's not constant pain that I fear but the chance of being excluded from this group that I dread. What if I have some disease that can't be cured? What if I won't be able to dance or even walk? What if I can't be with them... with him...?
 
"Yo, kid. Promise me one thing, do not keep a secret. You're too young for that." The warm feeling from his embrace and the crook of his neck somewhat calm me down
but I start to panic when he calls a company medic.
 
"Hyung, don't... please, what if ... what if..."

"Junhong, shut up." His deep voice soothing despite the short words.

The middle age medic does come to check my knees while Yongguk hyung keeping me from escape. After few massaging (which miraculously makes me feel better) and questioning, he smiles heartedly and ruffles my hair. "This is very silly problem, you don't know because you're still young. You're growing up too fast, of course your knees would constantly hurt. Your bones just need a lot of strengthen, drink a lot of milk along with nutritious food and try to go to bed early, I'll prescribe some vitamins in case of necessary."

A deep tone of throaty laugh is heard when I breathe a sigh of relief.

Really. Who would know that every boy my age will have to go through this thing? ... I don't think I notice anything from Jongup hyung, though.

"Come on, kid. Time to drink some milk."
 
It turns out that half of our big fridge is now occupied with carton of milk. "How the heck can I put other stuffs in there?" Himchan hyung complains with big grocery bags in his hands.
 
"Get another fridge, then" Yongguk hyung shrugs while filling 2 glasses of milk; for me and him. "Drink up and go to bed." It's just 10 PM, I voice it out but he insists.
 
"Why don't you tuck him in bed yourself?" Daehyun hyung smirks.

"Yeah, I'll do that." ...It's a joke hyung, don't you get it?
 
The blanket is forced up to my chin anyway.
 
...
 
"I can't sleep, hyung." It's almost 11 now. With his back resting against my bed, he's reading something with iPad under very dim light.

He turns around to pat my head, "Won't you try counting something? The doctor said for you to adjust your sleeping routine, it'll be hard at first but it should be healthy."
 
"...What about Jongup hyung, I bet he's playing game right now?" He's only one year older than me, shouldn't he be treated the same?
 
Yongguk hyung goes quiet for a moment before turns back and mumbles "...just try to sleep."
 
...
 
Hmm... is it morning already? I blink when the light hits my eyes. What time is it? ... Holy sh...! We're supposed to shoot an MV since the break of dawn! I quickly left this empty bedroom...
 
...to an equally empty kitchen.
 
Wha...? Where's everyone?
 
There's a food on the table with yellow post-it.

'JH
 
Thanks to you, today's our day-off~ Do eat and keep resting. Our big bad leader told us about your knees, don't worry about anything, they all be postponed.
 
Oh, don't tell Yongguk that I'm out, alright? He kinda told me to take care of you ...but you're a big boy, right? I'll be back soon.
 
HC.'
 
...Postponed? Our well-planned schedule...
 
...because of me?
 
It's impossible, our manager told me how hard to get this famous director to work with us... how lucky we are to get all these sets done in a tight schedule. Slowly sit down, I become to realize how much money and chances are wasted over night.

Blame those on me.
 
And my stupid knees.
 
The weight of guilt suddenly falls down on my shoulder. Is this Yongguk hyung's doing? Why doesn't he just ask me if I can do it?

...I could have stood it, really. The pain is actually nothing compares to this.
 
I quickly dial his number, I need to talk to him... but no such luck, he doesn't answer. I try others hyung numbers, even the manager but no one picks up the damn phone.

...
 
I wait.
 
Wait and wait.
 
...for hours until someone calls back, it's Himchan hyung.
 
"Hey, Junhong. Does Yongguk go back to the dorm yet?"
 
"...no, hyung why..."

"Listen, I'll be back around dinner. If he comes back before me, just tell him that I'm buying grocery, ok? I'll make kimchi meat soup for you, isn't it your favorite?" ...and hurriedly cut the line.
 
Great, he's on a date for sure.
 
So, I'm stuck in an empty dorm for a few more hours with this... feeling of helplessness... and guilt...
 
...and this sharp pain at both of my knees.
 
...
 
Oh, ...now with some wetness around my eyes, too.
 

...
 

I don't know when did I fall asleep but when I wake up all the hyung minus Yongguk was talking in low voice, I even heard 'shh, he's waking up.'
 
"Jun, aren't you hungry, get up and has your soup, Himchan hyung get you lots of meat." Jongup hyung sits down beside my couch, looks like all of them finish eating already. "Oh, don't get up, I'll bring it here." He dashes, I mean it, he 'dashes' to the kitchen and back with a big bowl, his smile is unwavered.
 
Youngjae hyung even clears a coffee table off so I can just slide down the couch and eat like a king. Do I mention a glass of water and medicine... and snack, and milk, even comic book that I haven't finish reading that follow?

...
 
What's the advantage of being young, again? Attention?
 
Now, all of these are killing me.
 
I should have say something... anything remote to apologize but, "I'm not... hungry." I bit my lower lip, my head probably bow 90 degrees by now.
 
They are angry... for sure.
 
But they keep it down for the sake of me being the youngest.

We trained so hard for today but I screw them up.

Just ...yell at me, anything. So they might feel a bit better.
 
...
 
The uncomfortable silence’s still in the air when the sound of front door opening cut through it. One by one, they all left the sitting room until a pair of legs comes into my vision.

"Why don't you eat something?" That deep voice lashed with tiredness, even I can hear.
 
"...not hungry." I haven't look up, I don't think I can stand seeing him be so upset with me. He even sighs.
 
"If you don't eat, how can you take a medicine?" He picks up a bottle of pills and thrusts it in my hand. "And when will you be better?"
 
I’m frozen by that question. How can I answer that? I know so well that we have no time to waste but... all I can do is shaking my head, I don't trust my voice right now.
 
"Does it still hurt?"

"Do you want to go to bed?"
 
I nod to both questions and start to get up. He moves to assist me but I quickly brush pass him despite the pain.
 
I'm sorry.
 
I'm sorry.
 
I'm sorry.
 
I'm sorry.
 
I'm so sorry...
 
Yongguk hyung told me to count something.
 
I count those.
 
It works, painfully, but it works.
 

...
 

The 2 days after isn't much better. I don't know why but the pain that used to come takes longer while to go.

It's been 3 days that I wake up to the cold breakfast/lunch with yellow post-it.

No one's here.
 
The dorm's so quiet that I have to turn on TV just for the sake of any sound.

I drag myself to sit down on the couch, wondering what the others might be doing right now; practicing, dancing, singing, joking, smiling... without me?
 
No. They aren't.

...I heard it from Yongguk hyung's phone last night. The manager asked us to meet those production houses for rearranging our schedule. I saw him bow even it was invisible to the end of the line. I heard him apologize over and over for the damages I cause.

I glare at my legs.
 
This is so stupid.

Why does he have to see it that night? It would have been just fine if we had followed our schedule. Our company wouldn't have to lose credit. Yongguk hyung doesn't have to take those blames. He doesn't have to feel so bad.

He doesn't have to get mad at me.
 
...
 
"Jun...hong?"

...Yongguk hyung? This is bad, I didn't hear the front door open. I quickly reach up to wipe my tears but it's too late, a pair of strong hands grabs my wrist.

"What is it? Why are you...?"
 
"Nothing, hyung it's nothing." I keep my head down.
 
"You're such a terrible liar, Junhong, look at me." His voice's getting louder.
 
How could I... with you being so upset.
 
I'm struggling to get up but he doesn't let me. "Listen." He says after manage to hold me down, he can be forceful when he choose to. "Look at me."

"..."
 
"Junhong ...please."
 
...
 
Too close.
 
We are too close when he says it. His deep voice rings right through my ears like a command I can't disobey.

His brown eyes seem to full of many things... amongst all that is concern.

"It ...hurts, hyung."
 
"...where?"

...everywhere.
 
"My legs."
 
My chest.
 
And a heart inside.
 
...
 
Slowly, his warm hands move down to my legs.

"Tell me if I hurt you."
 
Long fingers start to work on my painful muscle, inch by inch, those light but firm touches are chasing the pain away.

Like he knows so well how to do it, exactly like a massage the medic gave me that night. I stare at him with wide eyes open. Did he...?
 
"I didn't have much time for the past few days, so I learned only a little from the medic ...and internet. Just tell me if I do it too hard." He still stares down on my legs with deep concentration.
 
"Hyung... you aren't..." angry?

"Hmm?"
 
"...nothing."
 
"What?" He asks with laughter in his eyes this time.

I must have really, really, I mean, REALLY silly smile on my face, then.
 

...
 

Today is one week after we all takes a break, it's refreshing, though, sleeping almost 10 hours per day could do you some good.
I'm in a bit of good mood, well, fantastic mood comparing to the past week. Yesterday I did some check up at the hospital and found out that within a week or two I might get back to my top form. That good news has all my hyung along with the manager so happy they even throw me a small party, gosh, they're such a kid sometimes. Grinning as I’m starting a flexing routine for my knees and legs just as Yongguk hyung instructed me before getting up.
 
It's already late but Daehyun hyung is still here despite his vocal lesson, he could have just wake me up, though. Without a word, He starts making breakfast and sets it down before me along with a carton of milk.
 
I know it's good for my bones but I'm starting to get sick of it, actually, so I just put it away.
 
"Yah! you can skip meal or medicine, I don't care but not the milk." He even pours a glass for me before heading for the door,"...or he'll gonna kick my ass."

What? "Who?"
 
"Yongguk hyung, he's counting the bottle you drink, see this?."
 
There's a yellow post-it stick to the carton.
 
'Make sure the kid drinks this,
or you'll be sorry!'
 
I chuckle at his handwriting. With all the busy rearrangement, he still spares his time threatening others hyung with this. Oh well, since things start to pick up and we now have a new date for MV shooting, I won't worry anymore.

I am the youngest, it's normally for the oldest to look after me days & nights, right? It's okay for me if I want a massage when he comes back every day, right?
 
Because Yongguk hyung will always listen to what I want, then please give all his attentions to me...
 
It's mine.
 


fin~